Once upon a time, a bunch of cats and dogs (but mostly cats) were sitting around talking. As it often does, the conversation turned to the inequity of the world and the cruelty of dogs, as so often seen in their habit of chasing cats.
"I believe," said one cat, "that I have an answer. Dogs must simply learn to listen to us and act as cats do. We know precisely why dogs chase cats; they do it in order to terrify us into giving them the comfortable spot in front of the fireplace."
A dog cocked its head quizzically. "I don't think that's entirely true. Dogs don't -"
"SHUT UP!!!" came the screech of a dozen cats. "This is a cat-friendly space, and we simply will not allow you to take over and dominate as you do on the streets and parks all over the world!" And with this, they leapt on the dog, driving it away bleeding with many a scratch to the nose.
"As I was saying," said the cat, "dogs are fundamentally unsound. Why, I have seen a dog purring and purring, and then it bit a human who reached out to pet it! Is this not psychotic behaviour? Purring is a sign of happiness!"
"Well," ventured another dog, "what you call purring we call growling and -"
"QUIET!" hissed the cat. "I am a very smart cat, and extremely wise, as all the other cats around here will tell you. I have thought long and hard, and I know better than *you* what dog behaviour means! You simply have nothing to say which is relevant whatsoever!". And with that, the cat advanced on the dog with back arched and fur bristling, until the dog decided discretion was the better part of valour, and fled.
Seeing this, some of the other dogs around the circle also took the opportunity to quietly leave.
"AS I was saying," continued the cat, "dogs are also harmed by the dogiarchy, and rendered unable to understand their own emotions. How many times have we cats seen dogs waving their tails in anger, only to fawn on a human when it offers some sign of affection? This is so very very sad - if only dogs could express their anger as shown by the waving tail, as we cats do!"
"Hey, that doesn't seem right at all," barked one dog (who was obviously a slow learner). "Wagging a tail -"
At this point, the cats didn't even bother yelling the dog down. They simply swarmed over it, ripped its tongue to shreds, and banished it forever from the circle.
By now most of the dogs had left. Some had gone to sniff trees, some had gone to find a more convivial circle of cats and dogs, and some had even gone off to chase cats in disgust. The few left were desperately trying to appear as feline as possible.
"So we are agreed then - the sorry state of interspecies relations is due entirely to dogs, and the dogs will simply have to change!"
All the cats meowed in agreement. The few remaining dogs pitifully meowed too, although they were criticised by their cat neighbours if they didn't hit the right pitch.
"And one thing which is worst of all," cried the cat, "the dogs simply won't listen to us! Is this not a sure sign that they are wallowing in their unearned privilege?"
Again, a general hiss of agreement. One of the remaining dogs eyed another, wondering - but decided not to say anything.