The Senior Female Relative, in her ongoing project to turn me into a civilised person, or at least one that can pass for same in low lighting conditions, has bought me and insisted I use a valance. For those of you lucky enough to not know what this is, it's a fringe to hide a mattress base - essentially a knee-length skirt for a bed.
It is complete and utter frippery with no redeeming utility value whatsoever.
I have no doubt it was invented by a woman. And probably a Senior Female Relative.
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But now you can hide stuff safely out of sight beneath your bed -- and you don't have to worry as the dust bunnies become dust possums and then dust peccaries. What's not to like?
Like, you don't think the Senior Female Relative is able to psychicly sniff out dust bunnies and general untidiness? I feel like I'm in a Wodehouse novel at times - and I can't afford a Jeeves.
But she's good value - for an Act voter.
Actually, I think I heard somewhere that it was created to hide the legs of beds and tables in Victorian England, because, you know, legs. Apparently people would swoon with lust over chair legs. So I'd guess it was a male thing, to keep the women and their sex under control. That may be an urban legend, though.
I do know that I loathe the things, known here in the US as bedskirts, because they mean you have to, as a chambermaid, get down on your hands and knees at least twice in every room to make sure there's nothing under the bed. Otherwise, idiot hotel guests will artfully arrange used condoms there and demand their bill be ripped up as they check out the next morning because the maid was incompetent.
Well, they'll do this anyway, but at least you know they're jerks when it happens.
This happens more often than you'd think. Me, I wonder if there's a website out there that offers this as a tip for cheapskates on vacation.
The bedskirt has a normal and very useful function: it allows one cat to hide under the bed, and take swipes at either your feet or another cat. It is a feline play mechanism.
Actually, I think I heard somewhere that it was created to hide the legs of beds and tables in Victorian England, because, you know, legs. Apparently people would swoon with lust over chair legs.
Madam, I think I can safely say that I have plumbed the very depths of lonely male horniness in my life, and I have never felt lust for a chair leg.
There was a really cute cushion once, but the little slut was just asking for it.
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